Its hard to get beyond the fact that the song is a duet between two men and thats theres frequent references to drugs like heroin (the brown). With only one character singing both lines of the song the vocals doesn't make sense, until the girl joins in but this doesn't work well with the sounds of two men.
Main Character fits in with the genre. Styling is good
Shots in bedroom are framed well
Blurred shot is used well (the stair shot is not really needed)
Bathroom shots are too long, needs some sort of pace
Cigarettes are "cheap" not very rock n roll to smoke Mayfair
Band elements work reasonably well, shots framed quite well, Lighting is an issue, seems too dark
Drummer needs to hit the drums harder
Would have made sense to have the song about two mates
Elements need to be re-filmed or its very hard to improve further.
Level 2/3. 23 marks. Basic/Proficient.
Acting upon this feedback, we need to re-film the live band shots but some existing shots like the close ups can still be used. We can get away filming most of the shots with only the band as the shots we need are mainly close ups. We should use footage of the drummer in the daytime so noise is not an issue. We also need more ideas for the start of the song which can then be used at a balanced pace to shorten the bathroom shots.
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